Be, not do. It's harder than it sounds.

Have you ever thought to yourself that it would be easier to NOT CARE? I find myself in this predicament more often than not. And more often than not, it ends ugly, with me hurting, and others caring less.

I told this to my friend a little bit ago, and she recommended her usual. "Work on your steps Brooke. Life doesn't get any easier."

Well fuckin A. That is not what I want to hear. Nope. Never is. Never has been.

I would like to be told that I am awesome, and I suffer because my heart is too big (clearly could be bigger or I wouldn't be banging away now). She is right. I need to continue my step work.

Over a year later, and I'm on still on step three- dangling by one pinkie toe, arms whaling as if I'm doing the invisible back stroke, eyes bulging, mouth draping open, gasping for breath as if I'm underwater, and I couldn't be further from anything cool if my life depended on it.

I'm choking on air, a self-inflicted misery. Either way, I'm screwed. I can't solve the world's problems, and you'd be correct if you called that I couldn't solve my own problems.

I spin around in my mind again and again. I'm the flying house in the tornado. I'm the bed that spins. There's no witch to crush

There is nothing I can do about the way other people think. I have no business worrying about what they think, and I have all the time in the world to improve who I am. When you look at it like that, you release the mind boggling turmoil, and that's all I can ask for right now.