The first I've written in a few weeks, and I don't feel much. In fact, I think it would be safe to say I feel pretty numb right now. It could be the shandies. It could be the fact that it's 11:38pm and Ive officially declared myself weak. I'm not sure if numb is the right adjective or if it's the quickest descriptive word I could think of 2 seconds ago when my fingers were anxiously pounding away at this confounded keyboard again. Another night of spending time with a keyboard. Great! Is that what my life has silently amassed to? Or do I secretly covet time spent alone? Am I rushing to allow my fingers to do the walking, and no, this is not a yellow pages ad in 1987.
I had my girlfriends over tonight- two of my besties that I have made through my previous years working at the country club. They are amazing women, fully charged all the time, and both beautiful and strong. I don't tend to hang out with weaklings. Even the women that come to me intermittently, for whatever reason in my life, however it is that they enter my life, are strong. I have never really been around anyone who is weak or wimpy. Maybe it's that I never accepted weakness as an excuse. It could be that I have always had selective vision. That's kind of like selective hearing. You see what you want to see, and you hear what you want to hear- more formally known as denial, and we are not speaking of a river in Egypt.
Is denial a lower form of closed mindedness? Could it be higher? I wonder. It took me a few minutes to remember that chain of thought. I went to the bathroom, fixed another shandy, and then sat down to rethink that one for a second. It came right back. I wonder if every single thing in the world is not related somehow- whether it's completely moronic or highly intellectual. I won't expand on this right now, because it wouldn't be fair for me to not let you do it on your own.
I had my girlfriends over tonight- two of my besties that I have made through my previous years working at the country club. They are amazing women, fully charged all the time, and both beautiful and strong. I don't tend to hang out with weaklings. Even the women that come to me intermittently, for whatever reason in my life, however it is that they enter my life, are strong. I have never really been around anyone who is weak or wimpy. Maybe it's that I never accepted weakness as an excuse. It could be that I have always had selective vision. That's kind of like selective hearing. You see what you want to see, and you hear what you want to hear- more formally known as denial, and we are not speaking of a river in Egypt.
Is denial a lower form of closed mindedness? Could it be higher? I wonder. It took me a few minutes to remember that chain of thought. I went to the bathroom, fixed another shandy, and then sat down to rethink that one for a second. It came right back. I wonder if every single thing in the world is not related somehow- whether it's completely moronic or highly intellectual. I won't expand on this right now, because it wouldn't be fair for me to not let you do it on your own.
The world can be BIG or small. It's important to remember that the likes of what you are surrounded by are most likely productions of your own existence, and you have much more control than you imagine.
Enjoy a moment now. Spend it reflecting.
I feel privileged to know that you read my writing, and take something from me that I couldn't give to you wrapped up in a pretty Carolina blue tweed purse with brown polka dots and a brown and white striped satin bow that came from Jo Malone and smelled equally as wonderful as her Orange Blossom parfum- only it's free. But it's never cheap.
Brooke
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