Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sometimes I have these great ideas of things to write about, and I even go as far as writing them down on a scrap piece of paper, and guess what happens. Yes, I lose that little piece of ripped off paper. In fact, I can't even remember where I was when I tore it off of that unsuspecting, lonely piece of unwanted paper. Back to square one.
Today at church there I was, sitting with close friends, my friend, and her awesome son, who's 12, backed into a corner, which I don't mind because I can be found crying on occasion when I'm there.
That, I can't explain. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Some people talk too much when they don't know what to say, which is the exact opposite of what should happen in my opinion, but I am not the authority on all things right. Thank God, you're thinking.
I cry at church, and when I am happy. I cry at weddings probably more than I have cried at funerals. Commercials with hungry children and sad, abused puppies and kittens make me cry, some Hallmark commercials too. I wish I could appropriately describe what it is that pulls at my heart strings, so sometimes I could avoid it. Don't we all want to escape from feeling at times?
I would just like to go one day without having some form of extreme feeling. I can hear one of my bosses now, "Brooke, you're a woman. Your mood will change like you change your underwear, that is, if you change them once a day in the trailor park."
We joke a lot about my being from North Carolina. Somehow, he forgets that he is too. You know that addage that is played out, but still funny, "you can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy." If you really want to be redneck, you can take the of's out of that statement.
At times I would just like to be a plain white sheet of paper- no lines, no random red dots, no spaces to be skipped on occasion. I just want to be a plain white sheet draped over a beautiful, but never before revealed to the public, awaiting at auction, Picasso, that some rich, and wanton person of the male species would buy at his own discretion probably without first consulting his wife.
I want to be someone else sometimes, not all the time, but occasionally I would just like to not care. I would like to be devoid of thinking about other people and hearing everyone's problems. I would like to leave work at work, and would like to be greedy. I would like to disassociate, to avoid others, to be cold, to not care. It would be so much easier.
I am thankful that I am not that way, but it would be so easy.
Life shouldn't be a breeze should it? We are put here to learn, to morph, to grow, and inspire others to do that. At least that's my take of life. At least that's why I am here. I can't speak for everyone, but I know that God wants me to show leadership in generosity. How do I know, you wonder?
Because he told me many times. He let me know what I need to do.
He lets us all know. We don't all listen.
The price we pay for not listening is much higher than the price we pay for obeying, for some, the price tag is just too high. But I'm here to say that it's not.
And listen here, I'm no saint by any means. I make a million mistakes. I can't take credit for much, I'll admit. But I try to obey when it comes to my finances. And I have never gone hungry. I may have wondered where the money will come from on occasion, but it always ends up working out.
I'm not telling you this because I want credit, but I am saying this because I know there are people who read my blog who are generous as well.
I know there are people here who could be more giving, and are scared to trust Him with your finances.  I'm telling you as an encouragement to do it for yourself. I want you to see how easy it is to trust God when he says he's going to come through. And He always comes through.
We don't though.
This was not at all what I had intended on writing about today. It's funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it?

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