Last week, on Friday actually, I had this cockamamie idea to send an email to my BM. Not a good idea. I didn't do it. I was just feeling impulsive. And yesterday on WFAE 90.7 there was a show on the Diane Rhem show that my close friend Chad filled me in on. He knows all of the entailment's of my adoption and the whirlwind of emotion that accompany it. Because I only caught the tail end if it, I have been trying to find it since. The discussion was of the fairly newly adopted DNA testing and its prevalence in adoption with regard to finding the unknowns. As a result, I thought my friend over at the CHS, where I was adopted, the former adoption counselor, Karen, would be interested in hearing about it.
So I emailed her again. Although I know she is extremely busy in her new role in family finding, I have a feeling there are lots of adoptees who still make their way back to her inbox frequently. She was a post adoption counselor at the CHS for a number of years that I'm not aware of, but judging by her familiarity with the situational atmosphere which I'm assuming is pretty common amongst all of the adoptee stories, it was probably a good number of years. I think she might be in her late forties, early fifties. I'm guessing here. Whatever her age- I love this woman. She has been a blessing to me and my sanity. She has taken a number of hours to spend talking to me. I know that her workload is sizable, and she probably doesn't have time to talk to me for hours on end, to counsel me. But she does it anyway.
I thought I would share an email she sent to me this morning. Yes, I know this is private, and no I didn't ask her permission to publish it, but I feel that she wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd bet my paycheck that she wouldn't. I won't put her contact info. I have had a few people ask me privately the whole story on how this all got started, and Karen, I feel, is sort of at the center of it all. She works for the Children's Home Society where I, among thousands of other adoptees over the years, was adopted back in the seventies. She was not the original counselor, because I'm imagining she was only a teenager at the time. But she was/is my go-to person. This weekend, I plan on writing out the whole story, and scanning my birth documents. Actually, I might do this right now. Yes, yes I will. Just so you can have an idea of what we had to work with, what little we had to work with.
I bet you thought I forgot about you. I hope all is well with you. There is a great show on the Diane Rhem show on WFAE today that will be in the form of podcast later today that everyone over there might be interested in listening to, just in case you weren’t aware. It’s about the entailment's of adoption, and most all viewpoints were recognized. I only heard a sliver of it, but intend to hear the whole show later today or tomorrow.
I haven’t mailed anything yet. But I do have a letter written. I think she knows I’m looking for her because I think her best friend might have told her. She hasn’t responded to any of my texts lately- just after in December she mailed me some Swarovsky crystal earrings she handmade for me. Kind of odd, huh? But, I haven’t felt pressed to inquire further. Guess I’m nervous of what she has to say. Oh well. Tis the day.
I still think you’re great.
Brooke
Good to hear from you. I didn’t know about the show on Diane Rhem, but I love Diane & will try to catch this on podcast.
It sounds like your birth mother may indeed have the head’s up about you searching. I suggest that it’s time to move forward (if you’re ready). I encourage you to let her friend know you plan to contact your birth mother by letter, and then send the letter. This will give her support system some notice and ability to respond. I can’t stress enough how important it is for the letter to be kind and non-blaming, and also clear on what you want from her – health information, a photo, family history information, to have the opportunity to meet one day, whatever it is you would like to have happen. It’s important for a birth parent to know that their child is okay, and that she had some of the things the birth mother hoped for her baby (good parents, stable family, opportunities) when she made the plan of adoption. And then be prepared to wait a long time. It may not be a long time, it may be that you get a reply immediately, but more than likely, she will need time to process this, and it can take as long as it takes. If you can, keep going to group in the mean time. Valentine’s day is coming up; this may be a good time to let her know she’s been on your mind and in your heart for many years.
Good luck with this, and please let me know how you decide to proceed and what happens.
Best,
Karen
For those of you thinking about sending a letter, please take into careful consideration what Karen said. I have, and I think I will take her advice and after I rewrite the letter, because I might have been a little too scaly, I will drop it in the mail, and let her friend know to be on the lookout for Colette's call.
So I emailed her again. Although I know she is extremely busy in her new role in family finding, I have a feeling there are lots of adoptees who still make their way back to her inbox frequently. She was a post adoption counselor at the CHS for a number of years that I'm not aware of, but judging by her familiarity with the situational atmosphere which I'm assuming is pretty common amongst all of the adoptee stories, it was probably a good number of years. I think she might be in her late forties, early fifties. I'm guessing here. Whatever her age- I love this woman. She has been a blessing to me and my sanity. She has taken a number of hours to spend talking to me. I know that her workload is sizable, and she probably doesn't have time to talk to me for hours on end, to counsel me. But she does it anyway.
I thought I would share an email she sent to me this morning. Yes, I know this is private, and no I didn't ask her permission to publish it, but I feel that she wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd bet my paycheck that she wouldn't. I won't put her contact info. I have had a few people ask me privately the whole story on how this all got started, and Karen, I feel, is sort of at the center of it all. She works for the Children's Home Society where I, among thousands of other adoptees over the years, was adopted back in the seventies. She was not the original counselor, because I'm imagining she was only a teenager at the time. But she was/is my go-to person. This weekend, I plan on writing out the whole story, and scanning my birth documents. Actually, I might do this right now. Yes, yes I will. Just so you can have an idea of what we had to work with, what little we had to work with.
Hi Karen!
Hi Brooke –
For those of you thinking about sending a letter, please take into careful consideration what Karen said. I have, and I think I will take her advice and after I rewrite the letter, because I might have been a little too scaly, I will drop it in the mail, and let her friend know to be on the lookout for Colette's call.
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