The ever fantastic day, Friday is among us again, and I am thinking of ways to put off the inevitable, to hide from truth, and mask the mounting insecurities that have come to surface in all of this.
Not only am I trying to hide from writing the letter, but I have lowered my expectations, which is something I just preached on the other day. Frankly, I am not good at playing "the game." I don't like it. I want to know everything- all details, with explanations, footnotes, and bottom lines highlighted in bright yellow, maybe orange.
But what comes with knowing all the answers is something that might involve a sting, a bruise. Sometimes bruises last a day, sometimes weeks. Stings, on the other hand last a few hours, if you're lucky, a few minutes, but hurt like hell at the moment. I'm talking about matters of the heart, love relationships, ongoing and new forming.
As women, we have the drive to know what men are thinking. We will push for an answer that we want to hear, and not stop until we get it, which when you think about it, makes absolutely no sense. Driving a man to lie to us is pretty common. And then we get upset that he does. A man does not want to hurt a woman (some men anyway). He will mask the truth at the drop of a hat if it means he's not the bad guy. A slight lie might slip off his tongue just as easy as butter melts on an oven-baked potato in winter.
Men do not surprise me anymore. But somehow, I am never prepared for them. As women, we never will be. We will always drive them to tell us the truth, how they truly feel, and when we hear it, we are hurt, might cry, probably not in front of them, and then wish that we hadn't pushed for the truth so forcefully.
Maybe it's the men I choose. Maybe I am not in the right mindset. Maybe it's all too personal to share, and has nothing to do with the quest, and I will just shut the F up now.
Not only am I trying to hide from writing the letter, but I have lowered my expectations, which is something I just preached on the other day. Frankly, I am not good at playing "the game." I don't like it. I want to know everything- all details, with explanations, footnotes, and bottom lines highlighted in bright yellow, maybe orange.
But what comes with knowing all the answers is something that might involve a sting, a bruise. Sometimes bruises last a day, sometimes weeks. Stings, on the other hand last a few hours, if you're lucky, a few minutes, but hurt like hell at the moment. I'm talking about matters of the heart, love relationships, ongoing and new forming.
As women, we have the drive to know what men are thinking. We will push for an answer that we want to hear, and not stop until we get it, which when you think about it, makes absolutely no sense. Driving a man to lie to us is pretty common. And then we get upset that he does. A man does not want to hurt a woman (some men anyway). He will mask the truth at the drop of a hat if it means he's not the bad guy. A slight lie might slip off his tongue just as easy as butter melts on an oven-baked potato in winter.
Men do not surprise me anymore. But somehow, I am never prepared for them. As women, we never will be. We will always drive them to tell us the truth, how they truly feel, and when we hear it, we are hurt, might cry, probably not in front of them, and then wish that we hadn't pushed for the truth so forcefully.
Maybe it's the men I choose. Maybe I am not in the right mindset. Maybe it's all too personal to share, and has nothing to do with the quest, and I will just shut the F up now.
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