Dear Collette,
You might want to sit down with a tissue in hand before you go any further. That's exactly what I was told when Debi, my "search angel" gave me your name, phone number and whereabouts. I followed her directions, and did so, but not before I first grabbed a pencil and paper.
This is going to be one of the biggest shocks of your life, but I am your daughter, born on April 12, 1976 in Charlotte, NC, adopted at 3 weeks old by two of the most loving and respectable people in the world, my Mom and Dad. They named me Elizabeth Brooke Fairley, after my grandmother, Sarah Elizabeth Fairley. Incidentally, I named my daughter after her also. Sarah Lane Fairley. She is 4, and beautiful in all dimensions of the word.
I have been looking for you for a long time. I guess it would be safe to say 35 years. Not because I've had a rough life, not because I've been unloved, but because I have yearned to know someone who looks like me, who laughs like me, who might be silly and foolish like I am. I have always wanted to know a person with the same blood as mine running through her veins, with the same quirky mannerisms, same unique, but twisted sense of humor.
I have had an incredible life, with every opportunity that you wished for me to have- college, a two-parent stable, loving, nurturing environment, great family, a brother who was also adopted, wonderful friends who have always been there for me, and I hope always will be. Please do not feel bad for me in any way.
More importantly, I want you to know that I do not blame you for making that decision 35 years ago. You wanted what was best, and your wish was granted by God. He made sure that I would be ok, and I have been.
I have had a lot of time to think about what I would say to you if I ever had the chance, and I decided to leave it up to you to find out more. In 35 years a lot has happened to you, and me both. At the risk of sounding stalkerish, I know you have two sons, both beginning with Br, which is uncanny in itself. I know you are divorced, but living with someone, and that your mother just died last year around Christmas. I'm so sorry for that. I lost my father 2 years ago, and know the pain all too friendly.
I was told in my non-identifying info that you didn't tell the birthfather about me, and that there was talk about your sister adopting me. I understand you're probably going to be reluctant to talk to me based on that alone. I don't know who you've told about me, and I can respect your privacy. I don't want anything from you, other than a possible friendship, maybe to meet in person. I don't expect anything from you, but I hope you know that it will be painful for me, if you do not respond. That sounds like a guilt trip when I re-read it, but it is not my intention to make you feel bad, but I wanted you to know how I feel as well.
I have no clue what it going on in your heart right now, but I hope that we can take babysteps together, and keep this as positive and uplifting as it can possibly be. I am strong believer that God always brings beauty to demise. I also believe that there is not a good enough reason in the world to deny someone of love. It took me along time to get to that point in my life where I realized that love far outweighs anything else in the world. I can honestly say that I would rather have someone in my life who loves me despite a past that might be unsavory, than to have no love shared at all. I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that I don't want this reunion to be a sad and painful thing for you. I am well aware that there will be many emotions surfacing on both ends of the spectrum, and that's a risk I am willing to take, if you are.
Please know that if you need any counseling from the Children's Home Society, Karen is there awaiting your call, if you chose to make it. She walked me through the search so to speak. She gave me information, all non-identifying of course, but we had numerous conversations about you and your family. During the search, the searchers had many questions they needed me to ask, and she was there to counsel me, and helped me to deal with some difficult emotions while I was on the phone with her. I am very thankful for her. It was funny, when we hung up the last time, and I asked how I could possibly repay her for her kindness, she said, "don't forget about the red stocking fund at Christmas." (That's their annual fundraiser.) I certainly won't. I am generous to a fault, maybe that's genetic. You can certainly claim it if you wish.
I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I live in Charlotte, where I was raised. I went to college at UncGreensboro for Communication Studies- was very interested in interpersonal communication, and have found my study of that very practical and useful in my life, both in my chosen careers (there have been a few,) and in my social life. I am a single mom. Sarah's father was not right for me, but I decided that at age 30 I was fit to have a child and raise her alone if need be. He is not a fit father, but claims to love her. And she is never denied of it, by me. She is pretty funny, like me. Not to brag, but hey, it is what it is. And I hate that saying by the way. It's such a waste of good breath. I work for an asset management firm in a sales support role, and I like it for the most part. Although I did take the day off today for my mental health. (a joke- I am perfectly mental) I guess you could say I'm pretty fun to be around, very laid back, easy to know, and I have been accused of being blunt, even confrontational. I have chilled out a lot, since I have been a mother, and I started going to church regularly. I go to an amazing church called Elevation here in Charlotte. I volunteer as a 4th and 5th grade teacher on Saturday nights. I love the kids, well most of them. I like helping others and have made it a priority in my life to enrich the lives of others to the best of my ability, and have probably scarred a few (sorry for those though.)
I am a good mom, Mommy when she wants something. Sarah already knows my hot buttons,and can negotiate her way out of trouble- at age 4. Scary thought. She comes by it naturally.
I like singing, although I'm not that good at it. I enjoy politics, although I'm not good at debating with friends. I choose not to anyway. I was really into acting in junior high and high school, and danced for 15 years. Mom always says, "you quit when you got good, Brooke." It's true, but in high school, I was more concerned about where the next party was, and was not a good student, like you were. Sad. If I could go back, I would change that aspect of my life. But I am overall pretty happy. I don't let things bother me too much, and I hardly ever lose sleep. I snore like a freight train, I've been told, and sometimes might hold a conversation with you mid REM.
I think that's enough for now. I would like to know more about you.
All of my life I have wondered who you are, what you're like, what you look like, what your hands look like, your hair, are you blind as a bat, like me? Are you funny, quick-witted, pretty? Hair a mess, like mine? Do you like to read, write?
If you are anything like me, you can supress the hell out of some emotions, and pretend to be completely fine when the walls are falling down around your ankles. You should probably get some help for that. =) Likewise.
Please take some time to think about what you would like from me, if anything, and just know that I am not reaching out to you now for any reason other than pure love, and naturally, curiosity. I really feel like one can never have too much love, nor too many friends. And I sincerely hope you understand that meeting me can be an experience that we can both cherish and keep positive. I have no ill will towards you at all. And my mother has agreed to come with me to meet you if you wish to meet me. She is a strong, incredible woman, who knows how much this means to me.
I will anxiously await your call or letter, even Facebook request, (Uh that might be weird) although I never found you on there, just your sister, and son, Brannan. I don't want to intrude on your life, Collette, so please do not take it as I am doing that. I am curious to know where I came from, and that's just it. I need to know. I think I deserve that. I hope you can understand what this is like for me, and I hope I can understand your right to remain private if you chose to do so. Please do not though. I am an awesome chic. You'll love me. I promise. And Sarah, well she just speaks for herself. You'll see. Please don't wait to call me.
With love and kindness in my heart for you, your birthdaughter,
Brooke
704-806-6121
An ongoing diary of my quest to find my biological relatives, at age 35, and as a single mom.
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Wow, amazing Brooke
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